Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
