I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I need to stop coming to work sober
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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