Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
