If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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