well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize