dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize