If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
