I want to make a zoo with you.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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