she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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