You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
