why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
