I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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