Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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