I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
