I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
