am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
