I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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