Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
