Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
