I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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