i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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