his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
