If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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