Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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