i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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