If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
