Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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