I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
