I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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