You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
