halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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