Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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