nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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