My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
