The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
