you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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