I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He passed out mid-signature
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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