Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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