the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
this will be a night to untag.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
