It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
