after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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