i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
