you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
