I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
