What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
worst night to have a conscience
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
