Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
