That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
