I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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