In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
