but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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