I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
