The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he laminated a picture of his dick.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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