Your face is a jimmy john
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
