I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
