Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
