I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
