1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
