Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
