3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
