Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
