i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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