apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
