Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
