I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
