you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Everything about him screamed your future.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
