If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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