I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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