i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
