he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
