Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
