My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
