I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
