I smell stomach acid.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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